Catholics for Family Peace

CLIFTON  One in four women and one in seven men will be impacted by domestic violence in their lifetime. With so many households being affected domestic violence could be considered an epidemic. Sometimes, those who serve the church — priests, religious sisters and lay ministers — are the first responders to domestic violence as victims share with them what is happening in their homes.

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and Dennis Butler, chief human resources/compliance officer for the Paterson Diocese, is addressing the issue. Domestic violence not only weakens the family system but it also has a strong impact on the larger society. According to Butler, Church leaders should always be a compassionate voice and refer those dealing with domestic violence to seek professional help. Domestic violence is not a private family matter.

Butler, who is vice-president and co-founder of Catholics for Family Peace, said, “It is important we draw attention to this problem and our mission is to provide a Catholic response for those who serve the Church. Pope Francis provides a pastoral approach to helping those affected by domestic violence in ‘Amoris Laetitia’ (The Joy of Love). His reminds us to uphold the dignity of survivors and that safety in families should always be first. There is no excuse for domestic violence.”

Domestic violence, or sometimes referred to as intimate partner violence, refers to behavior by an intimate partner or ex-partner that causes physical, sexual and psychological harm. It also includes verbal abuse, emotional and economic control.

Butler said, “It’s important to note that when most people think about domestic violence, they think about the physical abuse — the beating, the hitting — but I remember one woman who told me not to call it domestic violence but domestic abuse, which consists of much more. Domestic abuse is about power and control.”

Catholics for Family Peace is part of an education and research initiative of National Catholic School of Social Service’s Consortium for Catholic Social Teaching at the Catholic University of America (CUA) in Washington, D.C. This past summer, Catholics for Family Peace hosted a symposium at CUA to inform the Catholic community ways to promote family peace and prevent and respond to domestic abuse.

Butler led a presentation during the symposium “How to Propose, Implement and Monitor a Domestic Abuse and Violence Response Policy in Your Diocese or Catholic Agency.” In his presentation, he spoke about how to respond to those being abused. Some of the ways include believe the survivor, don’t minimize or blame, remain neutral and don’t take sides, respect her/his decisions; don’t judge her/him, don’t give advice, recommend couples counseling or marriage enrichment or communication workshops, control yourself, not the survivor, encourage survivor to consider a safety plan.

Butler said, “The best thing you can do is give the survivor contact information for a local domestic abuse advocate or a national center.”

He believes dioceses, parishes, agencies and schools should create a domestic abuse response policy, which involves parish staff members, clergymen, legal experts, subject matter experts, victim assistance coordinators and local domestic abuse agencies. Butler is also available to speak with parishes about domestic violence awareness.

Another valuable resource is the statement of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB), “When I Call for Help,” in 1992 and reaffirmed in 2002 on how the Church should respond to domestic violence. The statement addresses four audiences — victims of domestic violence (predominately, though not exclusively, women), clergy and Church employees, abusers (predominately, though not exclusively, men) and society at large. The document can be found on the USCCB’s website www.usccb.org.

“Priests and Catholic leaders should talk about this from the pulpit and in other areas on a regular and continuing basis. This could also be done in family life programs and in our Catholic schools,” said Butler. “In speaking out, they need to help all Catholics, from our youth to our elderly to recognize the signs of relationship abuse in themselves, their fellow parishioners and students, to respond appropriately to assure the safety of the abused on a basis consistent with Catholic teaching, and to refer the abused and the abusers to get the help they need. They should also encourage praying for those who suffer and cause abuse and for the end of all forms of domestic violence and abuse.”

[Information: Dennis Butler (973) 777-8818, ext. 241.]