‘Jesus in Jeans’

BEACON PHOTO | MICHAEL WOJCIK

‘JESUS IN JEANS’  Mary Jo Armen, author of the book “Jesus in Jeans,” speaks to 91 women who attended “A Women’s Day of Reflection” at Our Lady of the Magnificat Parish, Kinnelon.

KINNELON  Early in her adulthood, Mary Jo Armen could have become, in her words, “a poster child for grief,” having suffered by then the deaths of her father, two brothers and a close friend. This parishioner of St. Peter the Apostle in River Edge also had carried another type of grief in her heart: pain and anger that built up over years toward her brother, Frank, who had been estranged from the family for 14 years.

But one day, Armen, a life-long devout Catholic, came to the realization that “if I believe in Christ, then how can I hold a grudge or harbor bitter feelings?” She already had forgiven her brother in her heart long before the day that he returned to the family after suffering a nervous breakdown. The healing in Armen’s heart helped lead to a healing of the relationships between Frank and her and Frank and the rest of the family. On Feb. 29, Armen, author of “Jesus in Jeans,” led 91 women through her hard-won story of forgiveness and healing as recounted in the book, during “A Women’s Day of Reflection” for Our Lady of the Magnificat (OLM) Parish here. Her message was perfect for Lent, a penitential season.

“I just asked Jesus, ‘Take the wheel.’ Frank started to talk. I put my hand on his shoulder. I begged for his mercy. I told him that I loved him. He hugged me,” said Armen, who along with family also helped reconnect Frank with his Catholic roots through Mass, Reconciliation, Eucharistic Adoration, Stations of the Cross and meeting with a priest. “We continued to heal, love and forgive as a family. That next Thanksgiving was one of the best. The Prodigal Son came home. There is no longer room for anything less than love. If we have love, we have everything. Love truly never fails,” she said.

That morning in the auditorium of the former parish school, Armen, a married mother of three, told her powerful story to help the women from OLM feel hope and happiness in their lives as Jesus calls all to live with the help of God’s gift of forgiveness. She also encouraged the women to look at their own spiritual paths. Armen, a consulting school psychologist for Bergen County, also gave the women the opportunity to share with the others their own experiences forgiving or being forgiven.

“Mary Jo’s message of forgiveness touched many ladies’ hearts. We all have someone to forgive. Mary Jo gave us the tools and gave us permission to do just that.” Mary Ramsden, OLM’s director of religious education.

Armen’s deep Catholic faith was rooted in childhood by her devout parents in a family where she was the youngest of five. In grade school, Armen said she enjoyed praying and learning about the saints that both became more important to her after her father’s death when she was eight years old.

“My mom said that my father was not here physically but here in a different way. So I prayed to my father and to the saints like phone calls to heaven,” said Armen, who attended St. Peter’s College in Jersey City, where her father was chairman of the mathematics department.

While in college, Armen and the rest of the family suffered another tragedy: the death of a brother killed in a car accident in Florida. She also had another brother who committed suicide. Over time, she got more involved in her faith, reading the Bible, praying the rosary and attending daily Mass and Adoration, and getting more involved in her parish, joining a retreat team, teaching religious education and marriage preparation and serving as an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion. “At Mass, the Lord entered my soul like warm water pouring through my body. I was filled with peace,” which eventually helped lead her to reconciliation with Frank, she said.

In her presentation, Armen mapped guidelines for forgiveness and healing. Forgiving someone does not mean that you forget the misdeeds of that person or that you don’t still feel pain. Forgiving does not mean that you accept that person’s behavior, even though Jesus commands us to love him or her. If that person is unrepentant or a disruption in your life, it might be prudent to disassociate yourself from him or her, Armen said.

“Turn to Jesus [in the act of forgiving]. We can’t do this alone,” Armen said. “If God brings love into our hearts, we will receive the grace to forgive — but not with a hard heart. Ask the Holy Spirit for help,” she said.

The “Women’s Day of Recollection” concluded with Armen leading the women in praying the rosary, which was followed by the group enjoying a Lenten soup lunch provided by parishioners, who each year make the homemade soup.

Selling copies of “Jesus in Jeans” — a book that tells about her warm relationship with Christ and is published by Westbow Press — was Jennifer Portman of OLM, who called Armen “every relatable” in how she “called on God’s grace to forgive.”

“Mary Jo reminded me that forgiveness is a decision — an action, not a feeling. You pray for the person and let it go. You shake the dust off your sandals and move on,” Portman said.