'Purified'

MADISON  Jason Evert, a Catholic speaker on the virtue of sexual chastity, often gets this sly question from young men in the audience, “How far [in the act of romance] can I go with a young woman” that would be allowed by the Church?

In his talk, “Purified” on Feb. 13 at St. Paul Inside the Walls here, Evert told 400 young people, grades 7-12, and adults that the young men’s question not only shows what is on their minds, but also misses the point of chastity — saving themselves for marriage to love and honor their future spouses long before they exchange vows. In the auditorium of the diocesan evangelization center, he placed the “good news” of chastity in the framework of God’s plan for sexuality, marriage and family life, touching on topics, such as the value of faith in Jesus, a healthy self-worth and modesty and on the evils of pornography and cohabitation before marriage.

During his talk on the day before Valentine’s Day, Evert used down-to-earth humor and engaging stories to talk about such an awkward subject for the young people, especially when many of their parents and catechists also attended. He also assured people, who have already had premarital sex that they could start over with the Lord and with their commitment to their future spouses. The night concluded with Eucharistic Adoration and an opportunity to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Families left with a packet of materials from Evert, including books and flyers, to help them continue the discussion at home.

“Purity is not about following a list of rules so that you’ll avoid hell. It’s about wanting heaven for the person you love,” said Evert, a married father of seven and a Catholic author. He founded Totus Tuus Press and Chastity Project, which promotes chastity to high school and college students. “Think about your future spouse and how you can promise to love them. That person could be here tonight. Take sex out of your relationships, to see if it is true love. The true fruit of living a virtuous life is joy,” he said.

Part comedian and part poignant storyteller, Evert cautioned the young people not to fall for the lines that people use to get sex: “You are so beautiful,” “I’ve never felt this way about anybody before” and “Prove that you love me by having sex with me.” Often, women love with their ears with the words they hear — while men love with their eyes, enamored by a woman’s physical beauty. For women, who feel starved for the love of an absent or distant father, those lines might sound like heaven to their ears, Evert said.

However, more often than not, men or women, who woo their unmarried partners into bed, leave them. Studies show that the earlier young women start having sex, the more sexual partners they will have in their lives. Pre-marital sex also comes with problems: difficulties forming healthy romantic relationships and increased instances of drug and alcohol abuse, abortion and divorce, said Evert.

“Women [who have premarital sex] often wake up hating themselves and stare the next morning at the pregnancy test, worried,” Evert said. “We are created to love and be loved. Women [who wait] are saying [to their boyfriends], ‘I am not taking off the veil [of my clothes] until you take off my veil at our wedding. I’m worth waiting to see.’ Only date people you can see marrying,” he said.

In his talk, Evert told the young people, “If you are not ready to be a wife and mother or a husband and father, then you are not ready to have sex.”

Evert told his own chastity story that started with him “messing around” at a young age with a young woman before “a voice in my head said ‘save yourself for marriage.’ ” Then, he told the story of a young woman, who had been abused as a child and then started having premarital sex until she attended a chastity talk, received Reconciliation and then “turned her life around,” even signing a pledge to save herself for her future spouse, he said.

“That young woman is Crystalina, my wife and mother of my children [as well as a chastity speaker and author]. I am glad that she waited for me. My wife made a great decision to start over,” said Evert, who remained a virgin until marriage. He urged people, who have had sex outside marriage, to “start over,” noting, “God is always there to welcome you home, no matter where you’ve been.”

During his presentation, Evert warned both young people and spouses against watching pornography. As a kid, he once hid adult magazines in the bushes of his house — only to have his father find them. Porn “robs men of their masculinity” with its endless parade of beautiful women that no one woman can compete with and its encouragement of masturbation, which discourages them from having relations with their wives. He encouraged young people to develop a healthy sense of self, adding, “If you love yourself, you will find love.”

For people, who feel same-sex attraction, Evert said, “The Church wants you. You are a child of God, even if society wants to sexualize your identity. You are more than your attraction. If you embrace the teachings of the Church on chastity, you will be a happier person.” He also acknowledged people in the audience, who might feel God’s call to the priesthood or religious life.

In introducing Evert, Father Paul Manning, St. Paul’s executive director and diocesan vicar for evangelization, anticipated that he would speak about how “God made us for love and how we can love others as well.”

After Adoration, The Beacon spoke with Jocelyn Topor, 17, of Our Lady of Mount Carmel Parish, Boonton, who predicted that Evert’s talk “would be dry — Health 101.” Instead, the Mountain Lakes High School senior, whose mother attended, found his presentation “engaging and real.”

“I liked the way he talked about my spouse — that he’s out there and I can pray for him. He went beyond Church doctrine and made it personal and tangible,” said Topor, who noted that she planned to sign the chastity pledge card in the packet of materials that they received. “I will keep all of this in mind. I hope that it will shape my search for a college — maybe a Catholic college, where I hope to find like-minded people,” she said.