The Spirituality of the End-Of-Life Process

END-OF-LIFE ISSUES  The Health Ministry of Our Lady of Mercy (OLM) Parish, Whippany, held a program about end-of-life issues in observance of the Jubilee Year of Mercy. Presenters were (from left): Lisa Dempsey, OLM’s pastoral associate; Chris Lisewski of Bradley-Braviak Funeral Home; Michele Cameron of Atlantic Home Care and Hospice; and Msgr. Francis Duffy, an OLM weekend assistant.

WHIPPANY  Parishioners of Our Lady of Mercy (OLM) here learned to prepare for the end of their lives spiritually, medically, practically and liturgically, so they and their loved ones can more fully experience peace from God and others and welcome from the Church, throughout the dying process — a critical message that was imparted during this Jubilee of Mercy.

OLM’s Health Ministry sponsored “Think of Me When…,” a two-hour program in the parish center April 23 that presented four speakers who spoke on various aspects of making end-of-life decisions that can bring the dying peace with God and peace of mind, as well as peace within their families. Presenters were: Msgr. Francis Duffy, a retired priest of the Paterson Diocese and an OLM weekend assistant; Michele Cameron, a registered nurse with Atlantic Home Care and Hospice; Chris Lisewski, general manager of Bradley-Braviak Funeral Home, Whip­pany; and Lisa Dempsey, OLM’s pastoral associate. After­ward, they answered questions from the audience, which consisted mainly of middle-aged people and senior citizens.

“We are called as a Church to show mercy to everyone, including people who have to make [end-of-life] decisions in such a short time,” said Dempsey, after the event, where she spoke about planning the Mass of Resurrection. “Typically, people come back to church for weddings and funerals. We can help bring the children [of the deceased] back to the Church through mercy,” she said.

In speaking about the spirituality of the end-of-life process, Msgr. Duffy reminded attendees that the dying process remains part of the “gift of life from God and our parents” — “a long journey of discovery of ourselves, others and Creation.”

“God nurtures our journey with the Eucharist and our relationships with Him and other people. As adults, we are invited into an experience of deepening our faith through the Holy Spirit. Spirituality is the development of faith and how we open ourselves to God’s call within us as daily life moves to the to the final call in His eternal life,” Msgr. Duffy said. “But we do not want to talk about our own death because it’s too personal.”

That was true for a 10-year-old-boy that Msgr. Duffy met years ago. He refused to accompany his father on visits to the hospital to see his mother, who was dying of cancer, because “it’s too sad.” The priest spoke with the boy, who acknowledged several truths: that his mother would join God in heaven after her death, that God can be found in Holy Communion and in him since Baptism and that his mother can be found in him as well. That young boy not only started joining his father on visits to the hospital to see his mother, but also later pursued the call to become a funeral director to help other grieving families, Msgr. Duffy said.

“God puts us in touch with people, who lead us to faith and to Him,” the priest said.

In speaking about the medical aspects of dying, Cameron, urged people to prepare for the end of life by officially designating a medical proxy: a trusted person, who is able to make medical decisions for them if they are unable. They may or may not designate a spouse because that person might be too close emotionally to made rational decisions, she said.

It is also important for people to put their last wishes in writing in a living will, an advanced directive or Practitioner Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST). Also, people should discuss their wishes with their healthcare proxy and families and give them copies of the documentation, Cameron said.

“I’ve seen families torn apart trying to figure out what parent wanted. With this [advanced planning], they don’t have to guess,” she said.

Cameron also spoke about the benefits of hospice: end-of-life treatment for patients at home or in a hospital, nursing home or assisted living facility. A hospice team works together to help patients and families and follows up with the family a year after the death, she said.

In speaking about the practical aspects of dying, Lisewski encouraged people to talk with their families about preplanning, prearranging and prefunding their funerals.

“You preplan and prefund for emotional and financial security. It frees your family from having to make decisions in a moment of grief and stress. It gives you peace of mind that you will get what you want and allows you to assess your options [beforehand], Lisewski said. “When you prepay, you make sure that you are not a burden to loved ones, lock in today’s rates and shelter your assets from Medicare.”

Lisewski urged people to put their wishes in writing, put them in a safe place, discuss them with their family and tell them where those documents are located. Also, people should review their wishes — often with a funeral director — and make adjustments, as situations change. They can prepay for their funeral through a trust fund or a funeral life insurance policy, he said.

In speaking about the liturgical aspects of dying, Dempsey encouraged people to make their Mass of Resurrection a “celebration of their own lives.” These funerals also should be a “way for people to come together as a family — both as a blood family and a parish family.” What is permissible at funerals differs by parish and by celebrant. OLM tries to personalize the funeral by including songs that were meaningful to the deceased and participation by loved ones, she said.

“Remember that the parish should be welcoming and loving like Jesus for the children [of the deceased] and be there for them,” Dempsey said.

Audience members received a packet that contained more information about hospice, advanced planning for medical needs and funerals. It included a copy of “Called Home to God: Pastoral Guidelines for Catholic Funerals,” a pastoral letter that was issued in 2014 by Bishop Serratelli.

During the event, Father Sean McDonnell, OLM’s pastor, thanked organizers and speakers and emphasized the importance of planning for the end of life spiritually, medically, practically and liturgically. He reminded participants always to remember the power of the “Resurrection — the ‘Alleluia’ of our faith — during this Jubilee Year of Mercy.”