A spiritual perspective to parenting

STIRLING  Most parents can relate to trials and tribulations of Lindsay Schlegel of St. Vincent de Paul Parish here, who a while back, found she was frustrated, yelling at her children to complete simple tasks for the millionth time. Worse, the busy mother noticed that her kids were imitating her less-than-ideal behavior.

“A desperate prayer led to a though-provoking revelation: I realized that I couldn’t yell a child into taking a nap. I needed to change me in order to change them. So I started to think about who I am first — a daughter of God. That’s the center. If I open my mind and heart to God, he will make it easier, helping to give me the wisdom I need in teaching my children,” Schlegel told The Beacon. She and her husband, John, a financial analyst, are parents of four children: Jacob, 7; Henry, 5; Sarah, 3; and baby Thomas, 7 months old, along with another son in heaven.

Inspired by her newfound sense of God’s desire to accompany her on the journey of parenting, Schlegel decided to write a book that explores her insights about parenting using faith as a support and a guide. This month, Ave Maria Press with CatholicMom.com published a collection of her keen insights in the 160-page soft-cover “Don’t Forget to Say Thank You: And Other Parenting Lessons That Brought Me Closer to God.” In it, she reflects on how parents, especially mothers, can grow closer to the Lord by understanding their own vocations. She also highlights familiar sayings, such as “Do you need help?,” “Say thank you” and “Wait a minute,” as not only phrases that parents say to their kids, but also as wisdom from God to his children, young and old alike. She will talk about her book and sign copies on Sunday, Sept. 23 at 3 p.m. at St. Vincent’s.

“I had been so focused on my job as a mother — giving directions, making corrections and looking out for the consequences of my kids’ actions — that I had forgotten my identity as a daughter of God. I’d been neglecting the truth of why and how I was created to live in this world…I started to think about my vocation as a mother not only as a responsibility to serve my children but also as a lifestyle to which God has called me to draw me close to himself,” writes Schlegel, a freelance writer and editor and a regular contributor to Verily magazine and CatholicMom.com, who has worked in various positions in book publishing for more than a decade. “True love requires sacrifice. Sometimes this looks like picking up crushed pretzels from the floor and answering the same questions over and over again. But it always goes deeper than that. The crumbs and the interrogations on the dietary habits of gorillas are God-given opportunities to give of myself to my children. They are also ways for me to come nearer to my Father,” she writes.

In sparkling prose, Schlegel paints an unvarnished — but hopeful and sometimes humorous — portrait of parenthood within the 15 chapters of “Don’t Forget to Say Thank You.” In one instance, the author asked her daughter Sarah “Do you need help?,” which prompted her to reflect on the importance of reaching out to the Communion of Saints for their intercession. When she tells her children, “Say you’re sorry,” it reminds her of the need for Confession and seeking forgiveness. Schlegel also learned to have more patience and trust that God would take care of her, when pleading with a toddler to “Wait a minute.”

Each short chapter concludes with reflection questions and a prayer that invite readers to apply its lessons to their lives as parents. Each chapter presents a saint, who can offer mothers inspiration and guidance, “reminding us that we are not alone as we strive to more accurately reflect the image of our heavenly Father,” Schlegel said.

“When we start to hear the things we’re telling our kids as wisdom from God, it’s clear that the lessons we are trying to teach our kids are ones we also need to learn as children of the Most High,” Schlegel writes. “I hope that ‘Don’t Forget to Say Thank You’ makes readers laugh a little and reflect on where they are going. Maybe they can pray more, write in a journal or join a spiritual book club. When we get close to Jesus, we become better wives and mothers for our families,” she told The Beacon.

In the first chapter, “On Paying Attention: How Many Times Have I Told You This?” Schlegel writes about the importance of mothers staying mindful of God, especially at Mass. They might find it difficult, given the many possible distractions, such as writing a grocery list in their minds or disciplining kids, who are misbehaving. In the book, she calls the Mass “the spiritual battery power I need to live my life with God as the center” that also recharges her for the coming week.

“The Eucharist gives me the energy to pursue holiness. By listening, by taking it all in, I become more receptive to God’s Word and his will for me. When I pay attention, when I give my heart, mind and will to my Father, I can hear what he’s trying to tell me, even if it’s for the millionth time,” writes Schlegel, who earned a bachelor’s degree in English and German from Boston College in 2008.

At the end of the first chapter, Schlegel poses several reflection questions, such as “What do you chose to hear rather than opening yourself up to God’s Word? What activities take the place of daily prayer time?” Then, she offers a prayer that asks God, among other things, “Give me the grace to love your Word and to put it into action today.” Schlegel closes the chapter by suggesting St. Joseph, the adoptive father of Jesus, as an example of faith-filled parenting, because he obeyed God by staying with Mary to care for her and the child Jesus, she writes.

Early praise for “Don’t Forget to Say Thank You” has come from notable Catholics, such as Kate Wicker, author of “Getting Past Perfect: How to Find Joy and Grace in the Messiness of Motherhood” and one of the featured speakers at the diocesan 2018 Women’s Conference on April 28 at St. Paul Inside the Walls: the Diocesan Center for Evangelization at Bayley-Ellard, Madison. It was there that Schlegel met Wicker for the first time. Wicker called Schlegel’s book “a must-have for parents that beautifully, and sometimes humorously, reveals the many opportunities we have to grow in holiness in the parenting trenches…Find encouragement, a new perspective and renewed strength in your parenting life with this gem of a book.”