Couple gets honest about their own marriage struggles to inspire others

By 2013, Damon and Melanie Owens had hit hard times. An international speaker, Damon was giving talks far and wide about the Church’s teachings about God’s call for men and women to form families and become fruitful in marriage. Meanwhile, the Owens’ marriage seemed headed for divorce.

“I felt lonely and frustrated at home, taking care of the kids by myself,” said Melanie, who now has eight children with Damon, ages 13 to 27, and their third grandchild on the way. “Damon was getting accolades and applause for what he was doing. I just wanted to hear that I was doing a good job.”

Damon responded to the crisis by canceling speaking engagements — an abundance of work he accepted with feeling the urgency to provide for his large family. Then, the Owens worked on their marriage, both together and individually. They went to counseling, reviewed their relationship, read and meditated on Scripture, listened to related podcasts, and most importantly, turned to God as Father.

“When our marriage was in trouble, I felt like a little boy who needed his dad. I didn’t know anything. Melanie and the kids taught me I wasn’t in control. I needed to trust God. His destiny for us isn’t something we can always see right away,” said Damon, executive director of Joyful Ever After (joyfuleverafter.org), and National Parish Engagement Officer for Com­munio.org. He was the first executive director of the Theology of the Body Institute in Philadelphia.

On Feb. 10, the Owens spoke about challenges in their 31-year marriage — a work still in progress — during their presentations at the first-ever Marriage Conference of the Paterson Diocese, held at St. Paul Inside the Walls in Madison. Damon grew up in St. Lawrence the Martyr Parish in Chester, where his father, Deacon Frank Owens, serves in ministry. The Owens now live in Kennett Square, Pa.

The conference was “Joyful Ever After: Getting the Marriage You Want from the Marriage You Have.” The Owens sought to help participating couples restore their wedding-day joy and discover and grow their marriages into something better than they could have imagined. The Office of Family Life for the Diocese of Paterson sponsored the event.

During the healing process, Melanie felt her relationship with the Lord change.

“I started to see God as a loving father. I started looking at Damon with new eyes — that he loves me and isn’t trying to hurt me,” she said.

Melanie admitted that on their wedding day, she dreamt about having “the best marriage ever” — free of conflict. But the Owens learned to engage in disagreements in a way that respects and values each other and doesn’t view every argument as catastrophic.

In the process, the Owens also came to understand that God created the sacrament of marriage “so we could live with joy in eternity. It’s for our salvation,” Damon said.

“Our union with Christ affects us. It’s not about power or control. We are to be Christ” — loving our spouses as he loves the Church, Damon said.