Men’s Lenten retreat

MADISON  Everything changed for James Caulfield and his wife, Coleen, once their four kids were born. Like all parents, these parishioners of St. Peter the Apostle in Parsippany experienced a lack of sleep and peace and quiet in their home. He also remembers enjoying the important “everyday moments” of fatherhood together with his now-grown children, such as playing “patty cake” or a game of football on the front lawn.

All in all, Caulfield said, “I wouldn’t have had it any other way,” in a short video on Feb. 26 for a men’s Lenten recollection, “With a Father’s Heart: an Evening of Reflection on St. Joseph,” held by St. Paul Inside the Walls: the Diocesan Center for Evangelization here.

He appeared with two other Catholic fathers, offering faith-filled reflections on fatherhood and how St. Joseph, earthly father to Jesus, influences their family vocation. Held virtually, the event was co-hosted by Bishop Kevin Sweeney and Father Paul Manning, diocesan vicar for evangelization and St. Paul’s executive director.

“Fatherhood has been the best part of my life,” Caulfield, also a grandfather and a candidate for the permanent diaconate in the Diocese, who spoke on “St. Joseph and My Fatherhood.” “You need ‘patient endurance with joy’ from the Book of Hebrews. I have taught by example: hard work, time [with the family] and eating meals together. But my kids have given me a lot more than I could ever give them,” he said.

Reflecting on St. Joseph, Caulfield said that Jesus’ foster father “wholeheartedly accepted God’s plans. As a family, we put it in God’s hands and he saw us through.”

The 90-minute reflection offered men of the Diocese and beyond an opportunity to enter more deeply into Lent and together, grow in faith, journey closer to God, and strengthen their family bonds.

“As men, we offer testimony day by day. We should be men of joy and good cheer as we face the up-hill battles in society,” said Bishop Sweeney, who encouraged the men to read, reflect, and pray on Consecration to St. Joseph: the Wonders of Our Spiritual Father by Father Donald Calloway. The Bishop is among those in the Diocese who has been using the book to make a consecration to St. Joseph in preparation for his feast day on Friday, March 19. “St. Joseph can inspire us to be the sons of God that the Creator wants us to be,” he said.

In another reflection, Samreth Chey, of St. Kateri Tekakwitha Parish in Sparta, spoke about his slow journey in realizing that his work should be in service to his wife, Eileen, and their children, not himself. He was inspired in part through his late friend, John, who used the business he operated to help his employees and give many of them a second chance in life. Over time, Chey, a former teacher and coach and then parish minister, started a construction business so he could spend more time with his family and give some of his workers a second chance, he said.

“My vocation is my wife. I encounter God in her and in our children,” Chey said in his live refection on “St. Joseph and My Work.” He said he also sharpened his focus on family life because of his participation in a Catholic men’s group and his first marriage encounter with his wife. “St. Joseph is an example to us in his love for Mary and devotion to Jesus. God gives us encouragement in our vocation,” he said.

In the last reflection, Trevor Jones, a parishioner of St. Lawrence the Martyr Church in Chester and former minister to St. Paul’s Young Adults, spoke of the example of his larger-than-life father as a loving husband, engaged father, successful businessman, carpenter, and outdoorsman. Nourished in faith by Bible study in college and St. Paul’s, Jones had his prayers to St. Joseph answered when his father, who was not previously interested in faith, announced that he would become Catholic before Jones’ wedding to his wife, Mary Jean, whom he met at St. Paul’s. His father died later at 56 years old. Together, Jones and his wife are awaiting the birth of their fourth child.

“My father said, ‘My son helped me find my relationship with Jesus.’ After he died, St. Joseph didn’t allow me to fall into despair so I could be a dad for my new son [at the time],” Jones said in his taped talk about “St. Joseph and My Manhood.” “Today, we hear about ‘toxic masculinity.’ As an antidote, we can be witnesses to the true manhood — a more authentic way of living a life of prayer and action and living it for family,” he said.

The event also featured reactions by Bishop Sweeney and Father Manning to the three witness talks as they sat together in front of a cozy fire in St. Paul’s Oak Room. They also led participants in reciting, meditating on and praying the “Seven Sorrows and Joys of St. Joseph.” Dan Ferrari, St. Paul’s music ministry coordinator and a new father of a son, provided faith-filled music.

After the videoconference, John Caliente, a parishioner of St. Mary Church in Dover and a married father of two and grandfather of three, said the event prompted him to remember his own father, who taught him about manhood not so much with words, but by example.

“I learned to be a good dad from my dad,” said Caliente, who noted that his siblings and he have happy family lives — a testament to his influence.

Deacon Luis Mendez of St. Peter’s, married with a son, said, “St. Joseph is exactly what we men should be: defenders of the family, marriage, and the Church. We need to stay strong and faithful in our marriages in a society that doesn’t encourage that.”