Pre-Cana in the Diocese

MADISON  Married and engaged couples, what is your “love style” — the way you best receive affection from your partner? Are you visual — love getting cards and gifts or seeing your husband or wife well-dressed; auditory — enjoy hearing “I love you” or words of praise or “chatting” with him or her; or kinesthetic — love touching, cuddling or being physically close to your spouse?

Engaged couples that participate in Pre-Cana in the Diocese gain practical insights and approaches to build a strong marriage, such as knowing your spouse’s “love style,” in the context of the Seven Virtues in “Life Skills for Married Couples” — part of the Diocese’s marriage preparation program. Last month, Jill Cherrey, a Pre-Cana facilitator at St. Paul Inside the Walls: the Diocesan Center for Evangelization here with husband, Jim, led a seminar by videoconference to train or refresh Pre-Cana ministers in parishes and at St. Paul’s in the diocesan program. The Office of Family Life sponsored the event.

During the three-hour seminar, Cherrey highlighted “Life Skills,” published by Ascension Press, which offers couples practical skills in such areas as communication, finances, resolving conflicts and sexual intimacy — and their basis in the theology of the Seven Virtues — as well as insights about marriage as a vocation. In addition, she gave a brief overview of another part of the diocesan program: “God’s Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage,” also published by Ascension, which looks at the “sacramental nature” of marriage and Theology of the Body, the Church’s teaching about human sexuality. Both parts of diocesan marriage-preparation urge couples to build a happy marriage by making God its center, Cherrey told the 10 participants of the seminar.

“With these two programs, couples learn to grow in their Catholic faith and in their relationships with God and each other,” said Cherrey who has been married for 32 years and has three children. Unlike years ago, engaged couples, she said, are different: they are getting married later — in their late 20s and early 30s, are most likely living together, might have children already and have lots of life — and work — experience. “Build trust with couples. They want to know that the Church loves them and is here to meet their needs,” she told participants.

In the seminar, Cherrey outlined the typical schedule for two parts of the program and offered engaging activities for couples, such as a “love styles” quiz for them to take in “Life Skills.” Couples attend programs at their parish or a nearby parish — either both parts over a weekend or each part on separate days — or at St. Paul’s. Years ago, now-Bishop Emeritus Arthur Serratelli mandated that couples complete both parts after the Office of Family Life retooled the Pre-Cana program, Eniola Honsberger, director of the Office, told The Beacon after the seminar.

“Both parts of the program work together. For many people this information is new or they have not heard it since they were kids in theology class. The program seeks to bring them into a deeper understanding of what marriage is,” said Honsberger, who has two sons with husband Brian Honsberger, St. Paul’s programs and operations director. “One of the most important aspects of Pre-Cana is the ministers witnessing to marriage and Christ is in their lives. They seek to help engaged couples understand why they are saying ‘I do’ in the Church,” she said.

Cherrey spent most of the seminar exploring “Life Skills,” which teaches couples how to apply the following Seven Virtues:

• Love: seeking what is best for their spouse,

• Faith: believing in God and by extension, believing in each other,

• Hope: trusting God and being trustworthy of your spouse,

• Good Discernment: practicing sound judgment,

• Fairness: practicing consistent and mutual respect,

• Balance: exercising moderation and self-control in all areas and

• Perseverance: maintaining an untiring commitment to marriage and each other.

In addition to live sessions, couples in “Life Skills” read materials and watch videos at ascensionpress.com, discuss them together and journal their thoughts. Live activities include helping to “get couples on the same page” with their main priority in life: to seek a comfortable life, a life of material success or — the most desirable goal — a life that teaches them how to love. “Life Skills” and “God’s Plan” can include Mass and meetings with a priest and with a Pre-Cana minister couple to mentor and walk with them in their journey into marriage. In taking precautions to slow the spread of COVID-19, many parishes are holding sessions by videoconference, Cherrey said.

“We want couples to grow in marriage and become more joyful. We look at the Seven Virtues through the lens of faith and life experience to move the virtues out of the conceptual realm and into their hearts,” Cherrey said.

In turn, “God’s Plan” presents the “big vision” of marriage from the fall of Adam and Eve to our redemption through Christ. In their vows, couples make a fourfold commitment to married love: to be free — giving freely like God’s love; total — imaging God’s total commitment of love; faithful: persevering in faithfulness like God; and fruitful: staying open to a life-giving marriage just like God’s love. This part of the program also covers the theology and science of Natural Family Planning (NFP), Cherrey said.

After the seminar, Lindsay Schlegel, who teaches “Life Skills” at St. Paul’s with her husband, John, praised the “broad approach” of the diocesan program for encouraging couples to “make God the center of your relationship, which I think will make them happier.” Parishioners of St. Vincent de Paul Parish in Stirling, the Schlegels have been married 11 years and have five children.

“Witness couples have to be vulnerable in sharing their stories,” said Schlegel who speaks about having lost their second child to miscarriage. She also noted that NFP helps promote “the wellness of body, mind and spirit, not only delaying or achieving pregnancy.”

At the end of the seminar, Cherrey called Pre-Cana “a perfect place for evangelization to give engaged couples — many of whom do not come to church — something of substance.”

The Office of Family Life offers training to Pre-Cana ministers on a periodic basis depending on demand, Honsberger said.

“We want to support Pre-Cana ministries in parishes — one of the few ministries with the potential to bring young adults into the parish,” Honsberger said.